So, we moved into this new neighborhood and everything is going great. My kids love the new school, especially knowing they won't have to move again for a long time. My wife doesn't mind the commute, having picked the house. And I get to stroll a cemetery from time to time, taking in the view and coming up with inspiration for the next horror novel. Not to mention the new office, which is very nice.
But there's a hitch. My son brought home some of the neighbor kids to play some video games together. The two kids in question just got off grounding at home, have 11 brothers and sisters and seem to never be watched. They said their screen name in Xbox Live is JesusChristXxx and another name they couldn't repeat in front of adults. Do I want my kids hanging out with these two? Oh, and they are both four years older than my son, who is only ten.
Do I say they can't hang out, only to ostracize him from the neighbors, or do I invite the kids over and watch them like a hawk? Would you let them be, just allowing them to do their own thing?
Good questions without concrete answers, I think. I'm not sure if I am making a bigger deal out of this than I should, or if this is something I should be watching out for.
5 comments:
Hi Draven, glad the new house is great!
Oh boy, that's a tricky situation. I have to say that if they were my kids (and keep in mind I'm not a parent so I probably have no idea what I'm talking about), I would not let them hang out. My parents were very selective about who I could and could not socialize with, and at the time, I hated them for it. Some 29 years later, I'm glad they did. The people you surround yourself with are very integral (especially for children) in shaping who you become.
As a parent of three, here's my advice...
It'll probably be difficult, maybe impossible, to keep your son from playing with these kids. Maybe he'll see them at school, maybe at the park, maybe just around the neighbor hood.
It would be good to invite the kids over and watch them like a hawk once or twice. You should see how they relate to your son, and if they're good friends, or if he is just hanging with them in order to fit in.
Then you should talk with your son and address your concerns. Ask him how HE feels about his friends. What's his opinion on their usernames. Does he think they're appropriate? Does he like the way his friends behave? Or maybe he knows they act inappropriately, but is friends with them because of their good qualities.
Then tell your son YOUR opinion. As an adult, tell him what IS appropriate and why. Keep talking until your son agrees that you are correct.
Then invite the friends over and watch them again. If your son acts appropriately in their presence, it probably means he is sticking to his own morale code and the rules you and him set out.
If your son begins to act inappropriately, then perhaps its time for HIM to get grounded. In the end, your son is the only one who has control over his actions.
You can only guide him, and the best way of doing that is by talking.
My 2 cents...I also have a 10 yo son, and NO WAY IN HELL is he hanging with 14yo boys. The difference in those ages is enormous. The maturity, the interests, and the availability of certain things to an unsupervised child of 14 makes it a bad match. Call me overprotective, and we all have to make our own parenting decisions, but I vote no. It's hard enough dealing with other 10yo's who are a little too "advanced" in my opinion. Even when you are vigilant, and have instilled all that is good into your child, at ten, they generally lack the ability to make the best decisions under pressure from older kids who they idolize. Best of luck, friend, no matter what you decide. Parenting is truly the hardest job in the world.
Draven, I have to agree with Michele. I think I would be extremely crafty in my plan to dissuade them from playing together. For example, always have something better for your sons to do until the novelty wore off. If that doesn't work, bribery is always an option :D
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